~refall @ never comes out??~

Hari ni demam..smlm before bertolak dr umah tekak dah sakit2…demam luar blh rawat lg,tp hati ak pon demam gak…sakit..terlampau sakit…ari jumaat lepas g tgk kwn ak,ros nikah,then mlmnyer mlm berinai,then sabtu tu sanding…events tu semua mmg memorable sbb dia 1^st classmate ak yg kawen..lgpon dia 1 of my best friends..sanggup balek lmbt semata-mata nak attend weds dia…spnjg ada kt mjlis dia dr hari jumaat tu,ak discover that perasaan ak sendiri pon ak tak leh fhm…after 2 years breakoff,selama ak kt u ni,ak rasa aku dah let go dia successfully…ak tak pk pon pasal dia within this 2 years,,he got his own life..n i got mine…tp,ble jmp balek apsl ak rse akward gle ble dpn dia??apesal ha??ak marah..marah dgn diri sndri…sudah2 lah tu nazirah..dah lbh 2 thn ni..dia pon dah enganged to some1 else…enough is enough nazirah!!!!ak marh diri aku..apsl aku ni??plz r…I’m doing quite well till hari sabtu..this is the disaster day for my feelings…smua burst out…dah nak balek dah time tu..tinggl tggu ros je kuar dr blik dia,then kitorng nak salm dia then balek..but kenapa??kenapa ak dngr ada orng nyanyi lagu tu??ble ak dngr lagu tu,dlm hati berbisik,”ak pnh nyanyi lagu ni utk dia…”then,ak siap ingt lg komen dia pas ak nyanyi lgu ni…apesal ntah ek ak ingt..bkn ak ni Alzheimer ke???apesal????!!!!!!then,ak nmpk am n lia kuar…ak curious,then ak ikut..then ak nmpk dia yg nyanyi lgu tu..knp dlm bnyk2 orng dia yg nyanyi lgu tu???knp dlm bnyak2 lgu dia pilih lagu tu???kenapa????time tu,dia switch on blek bnd2 lepas yg ak dah shut down properly dlm hati aku…sama ada ak refall smula ngn dia or dia xpnh kluar dr hati aku….ak tak tahu….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tp 1 bnd yg aku tahu,ak sakit hati ngn dia sesangat2…sgt2..sgt2…dia dah ada girl laen…dia dah ckp dia engaged ngan dat girl…wlupon dia ckp kt ak dia dah breakoff ngn dat girl,tp,ble ak tny,”betol ke ni dah break???”then dia jwb,”ntahle….”ak tahu ble dia jwb cm2 dia still on ngn dat girl…ngn dlm condition cm2,knp dia blh ungkitkn lg bnd2 yg dah lps ngn ak??ak tak tahu sama ada dia dah lupe lgu tu ak pnh nyanyi tok dia ataupon dia mmg ske lagu tu ataupon dia mmg sengaja menyakitkan hati aku…..after this 2 years…y now???dia ckp ak xkn trima dia ble tahu ape yg dia pnh buat..dia jht….dia kate aku deserve better person than him….then,y within this 2 years time,dia yg admit dri dia jht,yg ak tahu mmg jahat,still drive me crazy????y???kwn ak ckp,dia bg alasan je tu nak break ngn ak…ak mmg deserve better person…abaikan je dia tu…mmg rmi yg ckp dia jht,ak baek,ak deserve better…but still inside, I felt that he sweet, he’s not as bad as u think he was…knowing other side of him,buatkn kad for me,beli the carved-chain,give me presents,all the memories he ever gave me and at the moment he sang that song, I felt like to shout at him,”I want you back!!!!!!”……but…deeply inside,my heart tell me,”its wrong nazirah, he’s somebody else’s……his heart not belongs to you anymore….”….this makes me sakit..pain…hurt…I had to swallow it all…again…n y u push the switch on button to my heart even u don’t want to enter it???i don’t have the answer….i bet he never care…

Dealova

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